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TITLE: Anything
AUTHOR: Drake of Dross
EMAIL: litl_rainbow@yahoo.com
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: no pairing
SPOILERS: PoA and GoF just to be safe
WARNINGS: MPREG
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and associated characters and places are the property of JK Rowlings.
SUMMARY: Snape's personal research project finally reaches fruition.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is an entry in the Harry Potter Mpreg Fuh-Q-Fest (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/harrypottermpreg/)
Challenge: 28. A wizard invents the magical apparatus of male pregnancy. Before revealing it to the world, he tests it -- on himself. Show us his motives and tell us about the magical process through which pregnancy is achieved. (Submitted by Selua)
AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: Assumes 1991 was the year of Book One, and Severus was 34 years old that year.

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4/19/62
Sev's Riting Jurnal
Today Father sayed that a Wizard can do anything.
I am spektical.

6/11/68
Severus's Writing Journal
One year of Hogwarts over. I begin to believe Father is right. A wizard can, perhaps, do anything.

8/16/72
Severus's Writing Journal
I turned fifteen today. Father gave me 'the talk'. I got him to admit there was one thing a wizard cannot do. It took ten years, but I finally found the exception. Even Father had to concede that a wizard cannot carry a child.

11/30/75
Snape's Potions I Laboratory Notebook
Merlin University
Assignment: Polyjuice Potion
. . . the boomslang skin mixes with the lacewing flies, creating an outward change of physical appearance (would using boomslang heart muscle make an internal change? - research that) . . .

2/14/76
Snape's Potions II Laboratory Notebook
Merlin University
Assignment: Love Potion # 9
. . . (you'd think a college level course wouldn't stoop to love potions just because of Valentine's Day, especially LP#9. Wouldn't, say, fertility potions be a better use of our skills? Mixing human seed with the crushed rabbit uterus in the fourth step would preclude even needing to go through with the mess of normal fertilization.) . . .

3/19/77
Theoretical Potions HW 4
Severus S. Snape
Merlin University
. . . long believed by many to be utterly impossible, a potion to create pregnancy in a male body. I propose that using a process similar to polyjuice . . .
B- Your (very creative!) theory, while intuitive, is not supported by the literature cited.

5/17/79
Letter Home
. . . Father, you will be pleased to hear I have been successful in becoming the youngest potions master in England. . . . I blame you for my only grade ever less than an A. . . .

9/24/82
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
. . . (I was an idiot. Using the polyjuice base for male pregnancy would either have no effect because the body would return to its normal internal configuration after only an hour, or would create some kind of horrible magical backlash when the zygote reabsorbed.) . . .

12/3/85
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
. . . elephant toenails to increase longevity (would that help polyjuice last longer? Empirical testing is necessary.) . . .

1/5/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
. . . the four batches of Polyjuice with various amounts of elephant toe nails have completed. I must admit I put entirely too much consideration into deciding whose hair to use . . .

1/6/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Batch 1: Filch, control
As expected, the duration was one hour on the unmodified formula.

1/7/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Batch 2: McGonagall, 1 toe nail, whole
The duration was not affected. Nor was the affect. Trevor Nott was delightfully astonished when the Head of Gryffindor broke up a fight between him and a pair of Gryffindors without dropping Slytherin's point count. Gryffindor, of course, lost 40.

1/7/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Batch 3: Dumbledore, 1 toe nail, powdered
The duration extended to 6 hours. However, while I grew a white beard, and my skin became wrinkled, I looked more like Albus's Snape cousin than Albus himself.

1/9/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Batch 4: Trelawney, 1 toe nail, finely sliced
Success! 6 hr duration, minimal effect on functionality. If it weren't for the horrible wafting perfume she wears, I probably would have enjoyed those six hours. I was somewhat astonished to find she garners the same looks of horror on students' faces as I do. She may have stolen my title of least favourite teacher. After all, 1/4 of the pupils like me.

2/10/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
The next four batches of polyjuice have finished.
Batch 1: Filch, control
Expected results.

2/11/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Batch 2: McGonagall, 0.5 toe nail, finely sliced
Three hours. That is two hours too long to be stuck as a Gryffindor.

2/13/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Batch 3: Dumbledore, 2 toe nails, finely sliced
Fifteen bloody hours. Missed class and refused to acknowledge knocks on my door. I will not test Batch 4 (3 toe nails) until summer break.

6/24/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Batch 4: Trelawney, 3 toe nails, finely sliced
Over one whole day as the bat in the attic. Approximately 28 endless hours. One can predict death only so many times before it become nauseatingly dull.

6/5/86
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Analysis of Elephant toe nails on Polyjuice longevity Regression suggests a relation of 2x^2 + 3x + 1 where x is the number of toe nails and the equation resolves to the number of hours. For nine months of pregnancy, there are - simplifying the number weeks to 4 weeks per month, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day - 672 hrs/month, use a factor of safety of 10 months; 6720 hours for the gestation period. Solve for x, rounding up: 58 toe nails.

9/1/91
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Another year begins. Potter's son started this year. Merlin, I feel old. Today's topic: youth potions. Particularly apt, as Albus gave me Flamel's notes to look over on the Philosopher's Stone; the man is positively genius. I think Father was right all along. . .

9/19/94
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Wolfsbane Potion: I am modifying the original recipe to include some of my theories. Included are the use of lacewing flies and boomslang heart muscle to create a flux in the body's internal organ structure and allow the change to occur more painlessly . . . Since the change occurs in less than an hour, elephant toe nails are not required. . .

9/25/93
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
Lupin reported a decrease in pain, though he says it is still unpleasant. I will tweak with the formula . . .

6/2/95
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
With the return of Voldemort, my research returns to stronger pain reducers. . .

5/7/96
Potion Grade Ledger
Hogwarts
Miss Granger displays continued ability to apply course material in other classes and her experience to her potions essays. A particularly astute observation is the affect of a person's wand core on their magical center and how the dist-

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Severus dropped the quill. "Sweet Merlin. I can do it." Muttering under his breath about magical centers and binding magic to the body, he gathered ingredients. More mutters, as he set up the cauldron. "Should have got a bloody A on that assignment . . . Show her."

Based on the Polyjuice Potion, it took just as long for the Male Pregnacy potion to brew, giving him time to create the fertilization potion in the mean time.

It was just after finals when they both were finished. Accustomed to testing his own potions on himself, especially lately what with the pain relief potions he'd been working on, he barely thought about it before imbibing them both.

It was with clinical detachment that he observed and recorded his bodily changes.

6/8/96
Research Notebook
Hogwarts
The addition of a small piece of my wand core feather was successful in grafting the magically created womb into my physical system, just below rectum to allow the grown fetus to exit the body using a process very like female labour. The experiment fully confirmed all my theories.

6/8/96
Letter to Snape Manor
Sir,
You were right the first time. You may be pleased to know that a wizard can indeed do anything.
-Severus

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It was a very pale and ill-looking wizard who knocked on Albus's office door late that June. The Headmaster invited him in, worriedly asking the first assumption that came to him, "Did Voldemort summon again you last night?"

But Severus only shook his head, then turned frightened black eyes toward the older wizard. Albus's stomach flopped. Anything that managed to shake Severus was bad. "No. Albus. I'm . . ." if anything, the young man turned even whiter than before, "pregnant." The word was whispered so quietly, Albus almost missed it.

The Headmaster blinked. "Speak up, Severus, I misheard you. My ears must be going." He could have sworn the boy said he was pregnant.

His potions master glared, but, through his fear, it lacked its usual strength. "You heard right."

"No, I don't think I did."

The young man's eyes flared in true irritation, shadowing out the young man's terror. "I. Am. Pregnant." He repeated, this time the enunciation was impossible to mistake. To clarify issues that needed no clarification, he added, "With child, up the duff, knocked up, whatever slang you wish to use to convey that in eight and one half months I will be giving childbirth."

Albus had experienced a lot in his long life. But even he had never heard of a wizard becoming pregnant. "Are you certain?"

Severus glowered. "Yes, assuming my potion works correctly." To suggest otherwise was tantamount to suicide. Even Albus knew better than to question Severus about a potion he made.

"You made yourself pregnant?" he asked carefully, as that was what the conversation's latest twist implied, but Severus seemed far from happy about it.

"Yes!" By his tone, one would think Albus had asked about something remarkably obvious.

"And you are upset because . . ." the headmaster trailed off, hoping the young man would pick up his slack.

"Because I'm not parent material! I hate kids! I certainly don't want to actually create one!"

Albus was quiet, utterly stumped on why Severus would make himself pregnant against his own will.

"This is all Father's fault."

Albus blinked. If he remembered correctly, Septimus Snape had disowned his son years ago.

Then Severus did a remarkable thing. Well, less remarkable than becoming pregnant, but still remarkable. He smirked proudly. "Even he said it couldn't be done, but I can do it."

"What can you do, Severus?"

"Anything," the potions master declared with vicious triumph.

With that attitude, Albus decided, the boy would make an excellent father. Er, mother.

fin

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