From: Ice Dragon

"So!You ARE back!"

I surprised myself by hoe startled an unexpected voice could make me.Even the sound of the desk drawer I accidentally slammed shut made me jump.I looked up to see Lily standing in the doorway of what was now my office."Yes"I muttered."Following my destiny once again."I tried to look busy by shuffling parchments of whose contents I had no clue.I hoped she wouldn't realize I was attempting to avoid eye contact.I was so focused on my projection of non-chalance that I didn't notice her walking towards me.The next thing I knew she was standing beside me,her hand on my shoulder.

" You're still angry with me.You have every right to be.If you had suddenly dumped me for Abigail Foxworth I certainly would still be furious so I don't blame you."Lily sat on the corner of the desk.She stared at me with those pleading green eyes and slightly pouting mouth that I never could resist."But",she said with a cheerfulness that banished her glum pretense,"I've brought a peace offering."She held out a small package wrapped in silver gift paper."I know you probably don't have it anymore,but I wanted to give you something that reminds you of the old days.Maybe then you could find it in your heart to forgive me."

" I'm not angry anymore.I was,but I've gotten over it."I smiled as I opened the box,genuinely curious.Small bottles of chemicals nestled inside.I pulled each out to read the labels.They were refills for the muggle chemistry set Lily gave me in our 3rd year.It had ben my only toy since coming to Hogwarts.I spent many fascinated hours mixing muggle potions.It's actually one of my fondest memories.

" Thank you,but it was unnecessary.I forgave you long ago.It is I who should apologize to you for what I said the day I left."I dropped my eyes to the floor ashamed by the memory.Lily had approached me in the Great Hall to ask me to be part of her wedding.I rebuffed her saying I needed to prepare for my own pre-arranged marriage.When she questioned me about my trust in my guardian's choice I replied"He was right in warning me not to trust mudbloods!"The shock on Lily's face was gratifying.

" You've never used that term before"she whispered.

" I've never needed to before"I added in my coldest tone.With that I retreated to Slytherin House,not to see Lily again until this day.

" Well,it's all water under the bridge now."Lily stood putting her arms out inviting a hug.I accepted."It's so good to see you again,Severus"she whispered in my ear."If you ever need to talk about whatever happened I'm always ready to listen.Until then,I won't pry."Her smile was sweet and sincere.Her eyes,however,seemed to struggle with some deep trauma she was unable to breach.I began to wonder who's experiences she really wanted to talk about."Is there something you wish to tell me?"I asked in my best Dumbledore impersonation."I can listen too."She shook her head and walked to the door.There she paused,looking back as if unsure which direction to take.Whatever caused her quandary lost out to secrecy.She simply smiled and waved.I waved back but said nothing.What could cause such profound distress?Did Potter do something to her?I felt a flush of anger that immediately turned to ice.Was it me?I continued to stare at the door long after she was gone.

Time transmuted Severus Snape,death-eater,into Prof. Severus Snape,potions master,head of Slytherin,and spy.I had with great difficulty developed a mental block against the controlling curse Voldemort assumed would bind me unquestionably to his will.It allowed me to approach Dumbledore upon my return and inform him that I had been sent(as planned when I was a child)to spy for the dark.I requested,and was granted,asylum.

I was also granted admission into the Order of the Phoenix.There I was "outed" to the others as a death-eater.Not surprisingly,Potter objected.I was Voldemort's lackey,he argued,and should be treated as such.He even demanded my appointment as potions master be revoked and I expelled from the premises.Dumbledore insisted my position in Voldemort's ranks uniquely qualified me to spy on the dark for the light.He insisted not only could I be trusted,but I would be indispensable in his defeat.Luckily,most of the Order sided with Dumbledore's assessment.What disturbed me most was the thought this would burden Lily even more.

I soon established a routine.Former teachers became colleagues.I tried to conceal from my students that I was flying by the seat of my pants.Detention was a particular problem originally.Despite my efforts in dispensing the most unappealing punishments I noticed the number of students I supervised steadily grew.I confided my ineptitude to Prof. McGonagall.She agreed to observe my methods and offer advice.

After simply scanning the assembled students McGonagall strode past the blackboard into the depths of the dungeon,gesturing for me to follow."Severus,have you noticed that ALL your detainees are 4th plus year GIRLS?I believe you've overlooked one important detail.Speaking as a former adolescent girl myself I think I can safely say that dark hair,dark eyes,and a dark voice make scrubbing cauldrons and even skinning toads a small price to pay.I also believe we can reverse this trend right now."

She strode back to face the girls."Ladies,I regret to inform you that Prof. Snape's presence is required elsewhere.Beginning today I will be supervising detentions."A collective groan was punctuated by McGonagall's instructions to reassemble in her classroom in five minutes.Although skeptical at first(after all,it's based on the assumption the girls found me attractive!)I soon had to admit her solution worked.

Over James' objections Lily and I maintained a casual correspondence,owling each other every couple of weeks.We chatted about nothing in particular as friends tend to do.So when the owl arrived this day I expected nothing out of the ordinary.

I was wrong.

This letter was alarming.The ink was smudged and blotched.The scribbled words indicated a frantic hand.She needed to speak to me about a subject of grave importance.I immediately owled back with floo coordinates for my rooms and a time to meet.When she arrived she was extremely agitated.She paced nervously as she
pulled a letter from her pocket.From the paper I could tell it had come from the muggle world.

" You remember my sister Petunia?She's expecting!"She flung the paper into the hearth.Pulling her wand from her pocket she set the offending document ablaze.

" Why is that so disturbing?"

" Because I can't have children!"The admission brought an immediate onslaught of emotion.Self-loathing,anger,despair,sorrow - all fought for dominance over Lily's fragile body.Each in turn manifested itself on her face as she sobbed.I sank into the large wing-backed chair I kept facing the fireplace,pulling her down onto my lap.I wrapped her in my arms.There we sat until she cried herself out.When I felt she was ready I ventured into her personal wasteland."Is James pressuring you?"I tried unsuccessfully to keep the scorn out of my voice.

" No.He says it's not important.NOT IMPORTANT!Ever since I was a girl the one thing I've been looking forward to is motherhood and he says it's not important.Well,it's important to ME!"

Lily broke from my embrace and resumed pacing."While you've been gone I've conceived six times.I lost them all in the first trimester.I've seen muggle doctors and medi-witches alike and they all say the same thing.I can't carry a child.I just have to learn to live with it.I don't WANT to 'just live with it'.I want a child so badly.Every time I see a baby I'm consumed with jealousy.Now I'm going to have to deal with my own sister's baby.I'll do anything for one of my own.ANYTHING!"

She stopped abruptly in front of me."That's why I've come to see you.Peter told me there are certain ways - known to those who practice the dark arts - that can correct the situation.I know you've given up the dark arts but please,Severus,please help me if you can.Peter says he can introduce me to people who can do it,but there's something about him lately.He seems different.I'm sure whoever these people are they're thoroughly untrustworthy,but I'm desperate!"

" NO!"I didn't mean to be so harsh but the situation had just become critical."Peter's telling you a half-truth.There are spells that will allow you to bear a child,but at a terrible price."

" I'm willing to pay ANY price."

" Does that include your child's soul?A child conceived by way of this magic will literally be born a dark wizard.Nothing will keep him from that path."

Lily's face blanched."What other option is left?James has made it clear he won't raise another man's child,so adoption's out of the question."

" Not quite.Are you willing to raise another woman's child?One sired by James?"

" Yes!But...."

" There's an ancient but largely forgotten custom where barren witches would barter protection or wealth spells to usually muggle women in exchange for their fertility.This woman binds herself to the witch as her concubine;her recognized substitute.The concubine conceives by the witch's husband.Since she's doing it in her mistress' stead,it's the witch who's considered the child's mother.A concubine can make you a mother without burdening James with another man's progeny."

" Maybe back then,but who's going to do that today?!"

" Me."

" You!"

" Yes."

I rose from my chair and gestured for her to sit."Do you want anything to drink?I've got the good stuff."

" It sounds like you've had a few already."

I returned to find Lily nestled deep in the chair.I handed her a glass of her favorite red wine.I drew my wand and summoned a second chair situating it between her and the hearth.We spent a few precious moments quietly sipping wine while we contemplated the path on which we were about to embark.

All too quickly Lily broke the silence."At the risk of stating the obvious,you're a man.How are you going to have a baby in my stead?Not that I don't appreciate the offer,but I don't see how it's possible."

" Do you remember the term 'Elementus'?"

" I think they're wizards who can influence the elements and communicate with nether-creatures."

" Those are the traits for which we're best known.These things can be mastered by others.What makes us truly unique is that we're physically both male and female."

" You mean you have....girl parts?"

" Yes."

" And you're sure they work?You're sure you can have a baby?"

" I know I can."

" And you're willing to have James' baby?"

" No,I'm willing to have YOUR baby.However,there's likely to be.....complications."

" Like what?"

" Like no one,and I mean NO ONE,who doesn't need to know can know I'm doing this.If anyone did find out the baby will be in danger."

" Why?"

" According to legend any child I bear will inherently be more powerful than any born by a witch or sired by a wizard.My female anatomy is thought of as a direct link to my ancestor,Merlin,the first Elementus.Closer to the source,so to speak.There's also a prophecy about 'a child of Merlin not of woman born' destroying 'the great Dark Lord'.Voldemort believes this prophecy refers to him.His spies are everywhere.One of their directives is to kill any child I bear."
in
I rose from my chair as Lily rose from hers.I took the empty glass held out to me and was suddenly engulfed in her arms."Are you sure you want to do this?"she whispered in my ear.

" Yes.Quite sure."

She kissed my cheek."I can't begin to tell you how happy this makes me."She released me and turned to go."I'll let you know what James thinks."

The message owled to me a few days later read simply:"We're on."

The peak of my fertility has always been with the full moon.I arrived at the Potters' residence the night before.I was paranoid the baby would resemble me.We couldn't afford even a slight resemblance.I decided a potion that influenced the baby's features was necessary.I had owled Lily with a list of ingredients instructing her and James to pick up a few at a time.Better to go out of one's way than arouse suspicion when dealing with matters one is desperate to keep secret.

Lily greeted me at the door with a hug.James held out his hand once I was inside.When I took it he pulled me into his arms."I told you when we were kids,I ALWAYS get what I want sooner or later"he hissed in my ear.

" The only reason I'm here is because I can give Lily the one thing you can't."

I had hoped time had softened my intense dislike of James Potter.Now standing in his house a few feet away from him made me realize my naivete.Luckily I'd taken the precaution of bringing a flask filled with the Draught of Peace.That should allay the feelings of revulsion just the thought of being intimate with Potter caused.All negative energies must be banished from my body at the time of conception as these forces could be detrimental to the baby at the most fundamental moment of her life.This was going to be Lily's only child.She must be perfect.

Lily ushered me into the kitchen.For the Characteristics Potion to be ready when needed I had to begin immediately.Timing in as vital to a potion's success as the right ingredients or the force of one's will(a fact I have difficulty impressing on most of my students).She had all I required arranged in neat formation on a table in the middle of the small room.LIly had a decent cauldron although she had never been adept at potions.She claimed it was used mostly for brewing "muggle magic" better known as chicken soup.

For the next hour or so Lily and I shared the kitchen.We chatted as we shuffled about attempting,although not always succeeding,in keeping out of each other's way.The smells of her cooking mingled with those of my brew.The combination was quite pleasent.It,combined with Lily's presence,filled me with a sense of contentment I hadn't experienced since the days of my early childhood.

At dinner the three of us discussed the logistics of the "arrangement" as we called it.How would I know if we were successful?My beard will stop growing within days.Won't I need prenatal care?Yes.I've already contracted a medi-witch whom I know I can trust to act as midwife.How do I know I can trust her?Because she gave me her word of honor,something by all accounts is of the utmost importance to her.Besides,she will be well paid for her silence.I've promised her a certain sum every year for the rest of her life as long as she holds her tongue.

Toward midnight the potion was ready for the finishing touch."Lily",I called from the kitchen,"I need your blood."

" EXCUSE ME?!"

" I need your blood.In order for this potion to endow a child with a particular appearance I need that person's blood."

She stared into the cauldron."Not much in there."

" Not much needed.Now hold out your hand."I placed the tip of a small dagger against her outstretched palm.A single drop of blood fell into the mixture before she suddenly pulled away."I want the baby to look like James."

My heart sank.Another Lily would be a blessing.Another James is frightening."You're a lot prettier."

" You get to cut him with the knife.Isn't that nice?"

" Sweet talker.It's your kid."

James came at Lily's call.I admit I made the cut in his palm longer and deeper than necessary,but how often is this opportunity going to present itself?

I sat on the divan below the front room's bay window.From this angle the Long Nights Moon's light engulfed me.Tonight's the night.I swallowed the last of the Draught of Peace I'd been nursing the last hour.It tasted better than the Characteristics Potion I drank earlier.It was also well named.I felt completely at ease.Lily and James had retired ten minutes ago.Now it was time for me to join them.

I entered the couple's bed chamber without knocking.Somehow I thought it would be romantic if I just "appeared".I walked to the bed and gazed down at Lily.She lay on her back with the blanket pulled only to her waist.Venus herself couldn't compare.In the moonlight which was the room's only illumination her ivory skin seemed to glow.Hair of burnished copper framed her face,spreading out across her pillow like rays of the sun.I felt myself grow hard watching her naked breasts rise and fall with each breath.

" Well?"she asked coyly."Are you just going to stand there?"

I let my robe drop to the floor.I'd fantasized about the first time I would stand naked by Lily's bed since the dark angel of puberty first descended on me.Indeed,my dream of surrendering my virginity in our bridal bower was my introduction to masturbation.Now here I was flushed with excitement and intoxicated by potions.Was this too a dream?

Lily pointed to my erection."Let's not waste that."She patted the bed next to her."Better come here before you come there."Reality or phantasm - it didn't matter.I was compelled to obey.

Lily sat up so I could get into bed without having to crawl over her.I climbed in and settled on my side facing her.She lay back down,rolling on her side facing me.As she pulled the blanket over us I felt a hand rub my back.For a moment my heart froze.Then I realized my attention had been so focused on Lily I had totally been blind to James' presence!

Lily regained my attention by stroking my cheek.She cupped her hands around the nape of my neck,drawing me into a kiss.My own hands instinctively reached out for her,pulling her body into the closest contact with mine.The words I had uttered countless times in my dreams sprang uncontrollably from my lips."I've never been with a woman before.Teach me what to do.Show me how to please you."

" Didn't you marry the woman Prof. Adolphus chose for you?"

" I never married any woman."

" Well,just go with the flow."She gently pressed forward pushing me onto my back.Soft,warm kisses traveled from my mouth,down my throat,and spread across my chest.Her tongue flicked across and around my hardened nipples.Her hand massaged the inside of my thighs.Her fingers explored my cock,my balls,and continued downward until she found my vagina.She drafted her index and middle fingers as a make-shift phallus thrusting inside me as deep as she could.

My moans alerted her that I was close to climax.She removed her fingers and mounted me,guiding my cock into her.Her thumbs rubbed my teats as she humped me."Come"she chanted hoarsely.I complied.

After she came she spent a moment sitting quietly on my hips.I would never have believed I could feel exuberant and exhausted simultaneously.Even my limp cock sliding out as Lily pulled away generated a new,strangely intense sensation.As soon as she settled back beside me a larger,rougher hand began caressing my chest.

James' face loomed only inches from mine."My turn"he said.Before I could respond his mouth clamped onto mine.He pulled my legs apart positioning himself between them.My encounter with Lily had aroused my feminine as well as masculine desires so I found it quite pleasurable when James rammed his cock into me without warning.

" This isn't new to you,is it?"he breathed in my ear."I've waited so long for this."He was grunting through clenched teeth and thrusting quickly.It won't be much longer I thought.My own orgasm was imminent.When I felt him erupt within me it pushed me over the edge.Waves of ecstasy racked my body so hard my back arched.

Passions cooled and the afterglow gave way to weariness.The three of us snuggled together letting sleep overtake us.Sometime between then and morning,sleep and wakefullness,my unconscious mind registered the coalescence of James and myself igniting the spark of creation.I awoke with one conviction;it had worked.

A week later Madam Abernathy,our medi-witch,confirmed what I already knew.I was pregnant.Lily was overjoyed.James seemed resigned.Our conspiracy had begun in earnest.

My first task was to orchestrate my exit from Hogwarts.I met with Dumbledore in his office.I explained the delicacy of Lily's condition.How she needed constant care.That certain potions,if administered quickly enough,could prevent a miscarriage.Therefore,I was the perfect choice to attend to Lily's needs.Much to my relief Dumbledore agreed.

" James and Lily have owled me with the same request"he said."I can imagine how desperate they must be getting by now.I'm sure they've told you how many children they've lost so far."

" Yes."

" Of course,I'll do whatever is in my power to insure this pregnancy comes to fruition so long as it doesn't involve dark magic.I trust you feel the same?"Dumbledore glanced at me over his spectacles.It was more warning than questioning.

" Yes,Sir."

" I have no doubt that you will make the correct choices,Severus.You may leave as soon as the Ministry sends your substitute."

" Thank you,Sir."

" Severus."The voice was barely above a whisper yet I could hear it clearly from the door.

" Yes,Headmaster?"

" Please don't get your hopes up too high.Lily consulted Poppy on the subject and her prognosis was far from encouraging."

" I have a feeling this time will be different.She will have complete bed rest and me to watch over her."

" I pray you're right."

" And I pray I'll be gone before morning sickness takes hold"I muttered to myself after shutting the door.

Within the fortnight my sabbatical had begun.I moved in with the Potters ostentatiously as Lily's nursemaid.Lily's initial response was to dote on me.It took the entire first month of our cohabitation to break her of this habit.Fortunately,James was cordial but indifferent.I resolved to establish a truce with him in the best interest of all.

By the end of my first trimester my mornings were marred with almost constant queasiness and sudden,violent bouts of retching.During this time Lily made it a point to take notes so she would be able to relate her "experiences" when the inevitable questions arrived.James had forbade visitors sending out periodical updates.This gave us time to develop a plan to establish Lily's maternity among witnesses.

I was sitting in front of the fire on a cold spring morning.Lost in a flame-induced reverie I at first didn't think the sensation in my belly was real.When I focused my attention on it I recognized the first stirring of life."Lily!"I called.She came running with James on her heels."Come.Feel."I took her hand guiding it to the spot."Can you feel the baby moving?"

" I'm not sure"she said shaking her head.

" Don't worry.The baby's still too small.There'L l be plenty of time in the coming months."

Once Lily removed her hand James moved in to replace it with his own.I batted it away."I would appreciate you asking permission before you touch me."I tried to keep my voice non-aggressive.His reaction was surprisingly submissive."OK.Whatever you say."He walked away leaving me wondering why he had given up so easily.

That evening after dinner I settled again by the fire to read.Lily was already engrossed in her book.Usually James spent his evenings reading.His absence seemed strange since he had always been a creature of habit."Where's James?"

" He went to Hogsmeade.He's probably hanging out in the pub with his buddies."

" He knows it's imperative to keep the arrangement secret,right?I'm being premature in my panic?"

" He knows.He also knows I'll make his life hell if he tells anyone.Besides,I've seen James as drunk as humanly possible.The more he drinks the more he clams up.After a snoot-full just TRY getting anything out of him."

" I guess I can't expect you to keep him under lock and key.It makes me nervous though.I'm sure he'll think it safe telling Black and Lupin."

Lily put her book down."Sev,there's something that's been bothering me.You seem to know a lot about how the pregnancy should progress.How it will affect you.I mean,the kind of knowledge one gets through experience.I can't help but think this isn't your first baby."

I felt a lump forming in my throat.In all the world there was but one person to whom I could bare my soul.Here she sat before me giving me the chance to do so.It's now or never."No,my second."

" Where's the first?"

Now the onslaught of tears."She's dead."

" I'm so sorry.Do you want to tell me about her?I promise I won't tell anyone.Not even James."

I was defeated in my struggle to keep my composure.I yielded to years of accumulated sorrow and rage.When I gained enough control to speak I decided I had already reached the point of no return."Her name was Bethica.She had black hair and green eyes.Eyes like yours.She was so beautiful."

" When did she die?"

" When she was eight days old."

" How?"

" She was murdered by her father."

" Why?"

" Because she was 'a child of Merlin not of woman born'.I didn't know about the prophecy.How could I?Voldemort's divination advisor had discovered it only the day before.So when he asked to hold her,I gave her to him.I didn't even see the dagger until he plunged it into her breast.I knew he was a murdering bastard but he was her father!How could he slay his own child?"

Lily blanched deathly white."Bethica's father was one of Voldemort's devotees?Another death-eater?"

For a moment I stared into the fire.I had reached the core of the wound festering in my soul."Bethica's father was Lord Voldemort himself."

Lily made several attempts before she managed to get her words out."You were Voldemort's lover!?"

" Not by choice!Prof. Adolphus was Voldemort's disciple.It was to him Adolphus betrothed me.All those years I tried to uncover the identity of my bride it never occurred to me I WAS the bride.

After graduation Adolphus brought me to Voldemort's castle.That's when I found out I was raised to be his brood mare.I guess he figured siring a dynasty on an Elementus would increase his power.I didn't want any part of it,but that didn't matter.Voldemort told me he needed my body ,not my cooperation.I fought as best I could,but he was far too powerful."

" Voldemort raped you?"

" Until he was sure I was pregnant.So I hardly think the word 'lover' applies.Indeed there's no one I hate more."

" Sorry.What happened after Bethica died?"

" Once I was of no more use as 'Lady Voldemort' I was banished to the ranks of the death-eaters."

We sat in silence until only embers remained in the hearth.Lily rose from her chair."I'm going to bed.If you want company tonight you're welcome to join me.I promise I won't do anything other than hold you unless you want me to."

" What about James?"

" He either behaves himself or he sleeps on the floor."

I accepted her offer.

June was ending and so was my second trimester.I spent most days readjusting to my ever expanding belly.I was in the kitchen preparing lunch when a flicker of brown caught my eye.On the windowsill - a rat!I pulled my wand from my pocket.The motion must have spooked him for he ran before I could even think of a spell.

I heard James and Lily chatting as they walked through the front door."How's life in Hogsmeade?"I asked."Great"Lily replied."I waddled all over town."Lily demonstrated her gait across the living room.

" I don't walk like that!"I challenged.

" You most certainly do!Who do you think I learned it from?"She drew her wand ending her "pregnancy" with a tap on her belly."This Glamour Spell is very convincing from a visual standpoint.However,everyone wants to touch my stomach.Is there a way we can mimic the tactile part?I'm running out of excuses why no one can touch."

" None that I know of.You're just going to have to be creative."

During lunch James and Lily told me about who they met,conversations they held,and places they went.Baby names and nursery design were hot topics.James said he agreed with Molly Weasley that there should be a ward placed on the window so nothing could enter."Good idea"I said."It just so happens I saw a rat on the kitchen windowsill earlier today."

" A rat?"James asked."What did it look like?"

" Brown,hairy with whiskers and a long tail.Doesn't 'rat' say it all?"

" Did you kill it?"I detected a note of fear in his voice.

" I was going to but it ran as soon as it saw my wand."

" Then we put wards on the windows to keep out foraging vermin."

Over the next month the rat reappeared several times.It scurried along the garden border running into the house at every opportunity,retreating at the first sign of a wand.With each occurrence I became more uneasy.By the light of the Blessing Moon I could see him systematically testing the wards.James came up behind me."What are you looking at?"he asked.

" That rat.It keeps coming back.It's like he's watching us.I'm wondering if he's actually an animagus spy."

" Relax.You're just being paranoid.What animagus would choose to be a rat?"James' voice wasn't as confident as his words."Come with me.I'll make you feel better."

I followed James into the living room."Lie down on the couch"he told me.I did.He lifted my feet and slid under them placing them on his lap.He removed my boots and stockings massaging my sore feet and swollen ankles.He was right.I did feel better.His strong hands worked their way up my legs and onto my belly."Does this feel good?"he asked as he massaged my belly.

" Definitely."

" I still love you.I've given up hope you'll ever love me but it's obvious you still love Lily.I know she loves you.If we made this a permanent arrangement you could sleep with Lily as much as you wanted as long as you sleep with me too.You could leave Hogwarts and work here as the baby's nanny.It's a win-win situation.

I sat up and lay my head on James' shoulder.I used my sweetest siren's voice."Did you bewitch Lily to leave me for you?"

" Not me.Prof. Adolphus."He nuzzled my forehead.

" Adolphus?Why?"

" He was afraid you were going to marry her instead of the person he chose for you."His fingers gently stroked my cheek."I was angry because you rejected me.You shouldn't have done that.You know I don't like to lose.So,when he asked me to replace you in her affections I saw it as a way to get back at you."The velvet caress turned into an iron grip on my chin."And I don't handle rejection any better now than I did then."

I always suspected James had a hand in the sudden death of my romance with Lily.Now the man responsible for ruining my life was attempting to use the woman I love - and who loves him - as a bribe to secure my place in his bed."How can you claim to love Lily and make a degrading offer like that!?Despite the enchantment Lily has made her marital choice.I,for one,respect that."

" As do I.I have great respect for Lily - and you.But it's not like you haven't done it before.You know how good I can make you feel.And besides,you're my concubine."

" NO!I'm Lily's concubine.Everything I've done I've done for her.I will always be there for her and the baby.As far as I'm concerned you're a necessary evil.Now,if you don't mind,I'm going to retire for the night."I was able to hold back my tears only until I reached my room.I'm ashamed to say I cried myself to sleep.

I awoke to muffled voices emanating from the Potters' room next to mine.Although clearly arguing the only word my still hazy brain could discern was "Peter".

Mother Nature has a twisted sense of humor.She decreed humans would have a nine month gestation followed by an excruciating birth.Deciding that wasn't good enough she gave mothers a tolerance for only seven months followed by sheer desperation.I knew what was in store but now in my ninth month I didn't care.Thus my first contraction generated mixed feelings of dread and gratitude.

Lily found me sitting on the living room sofa."I've got pictures of my nephew."She sat beside me pushing photos of the chubby infant into my hands.I grimaced involuntarily as my insides squeezed together."He's not THAT bad"she admonished."Although 'Dudley'...."

" It's not him"I said handing her the photos."It's him."I pointed to my belly.

" The baby's beating you up again?"

" Actually,I'm in labor."

" WHAT!Have you called Madam Abernathy yet?"

" I've been waiting until the contractions were within a half an hour of each other.Nothing's going to happen until then."

" How frequent are they?"

" Twenty minutes between the last two."

" MEN!I'm going to floo Madam Abernathy."

" PUSH!"Abernathy barked the command as if I could ignore my body's demands.I held my breath and bore down until my lungs screamed and my head was on the verge of exploding.Mercifully,the contraction subsided.I was able to breathe again.I leaned back against Lily.She sat behind me holding my hand.Her body supported me in these precious moments of rest and braced me during my exertions.She swabbed the sweat from my brow as I reclined,panting.She whispered encouragements in my ear punctuating them with small kisses.

Oh God!Here it comes again!Once again my body contorted instinctively."Have you decided on a name yet?"Abernathy asked casually.Conversation!?I'm being ripped in two and she wants to engage in conversation?"Who cares!?Just get it out of me!"I snapped.

" We've decided on Henry"Lily's voice was calm.

" Good"the midwife added."Because you've just run out of time."

The scream I'd been suppressing for hours escaped.The pain I thought couldn't get worse ignited into intense burning.My cry faded as a new cry filled the room."Here's your son"Abernathy said,handing me the squalling infant.Euphoria flooded my soul as I held him to my breast.Pain and weariness faded to the edges of my perception. His mouth immediately found my nipple beginning to suckle."No"I demanded of myself silently."Don't fall for him.He's not yours."

" He's beautiful!"Lily exclaimed."He looks just like James.Your potion worked."

" You had your doubts!And make up your mind.Is he beautiful,or does he look like James?"Although I attempted an indignant tone the truth was I relieved by his unmistakable resemblance to his father.No one will question his parentage.

" Time to clean up."Abernathy tapped her wand to the child's forehead instantly bathing him.A touch on the belly and the first inch of umbilicus dissolved cauterizing at the navel.She pulled the cord delivering the placenta.So enrapt was I the sensation barely registered.After she satisfied herself it was intact her wand sent it to oblivion.

" Here you go"the midwife said,handing me a fleecy blue blanket."Wrap him up nice and warm.You don't want him catching cold on his first day."She left for the door."I'll go fetch Daddy."

Moments later she returned with said daddy in tow.He took up his position next to Lily."Is he really a boy,or is he like you?"he asked.

" Don't worry.He's all man."

Together the new parents watched their offspring nurse while uttering that annoying babble known as "baby talk".Thankfully,Abernathy interrupted."Time to make it official."She brought forth a quill and parchment."We need to register him."She sat at the foot of my bed resting the birth certificate on a temporary "table" created for this purpose.She recited each entry as she recorded it."Father's name:James Potter.Mother's name?"She glanced up at us,her eyes coming to rest on me."Last chance to change your mind."I swallowed hard and shook my head.I couldn't stab Lily in the back no matter how I felt.

" No?Very well,then.Mother's name:Lily Potter."That's it.Now he's legally Lily's."Baby's name?"She paused again.

" Harry"I replied.

" I thought we decided on 'Henry'?"James' voice was quiet but hostile.

" You did"I said."But his eyes say 'Harry'."

We all turned to Lily to break the stalemate.She took Harry/Henry in her arms.Mother and son pondered each other intently."Harry"she said."His name is Harry."

" Baby's name:Harry Potter."The quill settled the matter once and for all time.Lily beamed.James looked resentful but resigned.He eyed me with the same contempt usually reserved for anyone who dared to beat him to the snitch.

I stayed to nurse Harry during his all-important first week.Not only did it insure him the best possible start but it also gave me time to deflate and heal under the protective care of Madam Abernathy.By the time I returned to Hogwarts all traces of my pregnancy had to be invisible.

I sat on the porch staring at the moon.This was my last night with the Potters.My last night with Harry.In the morning I'd be accompanying them to Hogwarts for Harry's naming ceremony.I was wondering how I was going to cope when I heard the door behind me open and shut.The next thing I knew Lily was sitting next to me.She wrapped her arms around my shoulders.A glance at her face revealed tears.

" I wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you.It's so inadequate for what you've done for me.Having said that I also want to apologize for the pain I must be causing you.I look at Harry and I love him so much.Already I can't imagine life without him.I can't fathom what it must be like for you."

" It hasn't sunk in yet.Besides,as his godfather I expect to have a significant role in his life."

" I promise you will."

The Great Hall at Hogwarts was a cacophony of sound and light,food and drink.At the nexus of the hubbub was Harry.At times people crowded around congratulating the proud parents.At others Harry was relayed from person to person.I found myself concentrating on any subtle signal of discomfort from him.I wondered if he was bewildered by the bombardment of new experiences.The only evidence I observed of his awareness was when he grabbed Hadrid's beard.

The time arrived to stand before the Minister of Magic and officially welcome him info the fold.All went as planned until the Minister asked if a godparent had been chosen."Yes"James declared."Sirius Black."I was dumbfounded.From Lily's reaction so was she.Before either of us could regain our composure Black had accepted the nomination and been officially ensconced in the role.

At the end of the ceremony Lily challenged James."We agreed to name Severus as Harry's godfather."

" We agreed to name the baby Henry.That didn't happen either.And you know how much I dislike dark magic.I certainly don't want my son raised by a dark wizard if anything should happen to us."

Inevitably the time came for the Potters and I to part company.Lily hugged me.Her voice trembled."It doesn't matter what title Sirius has.My promise still stands.As long as I draw breath you will be a significant force in Harry's life."

" Thank you.You know I'll always be there for the both of you."

" Well"she said,"it's time to say good-bye for now."She handed Harry to me.I gazed down at the black-tufted head.Green eyes met mine.I kissed his forehead."Farewell little one.I'll see you again soon."I quickly passed him back to Lily.I couldn't afford to get maudlin here.Too many witnesses.

James came up to me extending his hand."Thanks for all you've done for Lily during her confinement"he announced for all to hear.He hugged me whispering in my ear."I told you I don't handle rejection well."

I watched the Potters disappear in the green flooflame."Come,Severus."I turned to find Dumbledore standing behind me,his hand extended towards the depths of the castle."It's time to rejoin the others."

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Harry Potter© J.K Rowling

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