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Title: The Waiting Room (Chapter Six) THE WAITING ROOM “I still think we should be helping Ginny out with Agnes and Eileen more!” Ron Weasley replied, his voice rising almost to a shout by now. Hermione stood at the kitchen sink, saying nothing. “I know what your trying to say, Hermione,” he continued, “but I still don’t think Snape is up to looking after her properly. Maybe he never will be”. “She’s still his child …” Hermione started to say, but Ron butted in; “That’s not the point,” he snapped, “you’ve seen the way he is around her, it’s been six months already, and he still can barely touch her”. She turned around to speak, but he did not give her an opening; “Even when he’s feeding her,” he said, “with that wand and bottle thing he’s got rigged up for it. He holds her like she’s diseased or something. It’s not right!” “Ron,” Hermione interjected, “She’s still his child, and I think he’s doing his best to be a father to her, under the circumstances. At least he’s trying, even though I agree with you that he’s not all that well cut out to care for babies …” “Well, I still say that it’s not exactly fair on her,” Ron replied, “It’s not healthy for a child, to be spending hours by herself in a crib in the next room to someone who just ignores her--whenever he’s not yelling at her for crying”. “Have any of us seen him actually hit her … or seen any sign of him having done something like that to her?” Hermione ventured. Ron became silent for a moment, as he pondered her words. “It would have been a difficult adjustment for him …” She began to add, but Ron broke in again. “It was a bloody difficult adjustment for ME, Hermione!” He snapped, “But there’s no way that I’m going to hold it personally against Seamus for coming into the world the way that he did. Neither will Neville, or Fred and George,” he added, “… and I don’t think even Draco, unstable though he is, has been anywhere near as hostile with Greta as Snape’s being with his …” “PROFESSOR SNAPE IS NOT HOSTILE TO HIS CHILD!!!” Hermione suddenly shouted back, startling Ron enough that his copy of The Daily Prophet jumped a little. She continued, her face reddened with anger; “Ron, get it through your thick head that he cares for her! He tries to do his best for her … and even if he can’t give her everything she needs--because I understand as well as you do that he’s not the nurturing type--at least he’s letting Ginny help him out with that”. “How do you know,” Ron said, more meekly this time, “that he’s not putting up with her only because he has to?” The flush on Hermione’s face deepened, but she was able to keep her voice even this time. “If you want me to give you the reasons why I think the way I do about that,” she said, “I shall. Firstly, though he doesn’t like to talk about her, he also doesn’t like her to be too far away from him. If you notice, he’s almost always in a room next to her - even if he’s hardly ever in the room with her,” she explained, “and I’ve noticed that he gets very worked up when she’s upset … a lot more than you’d think from just being annoyed by the crying”. “You know him about as well as I do,” she said, “since we both had him teaching us at Hogwarts. We know what he’s like … and what he’s been through, Ron”. When her husband started to protest, Hermione raised her hand to silence him. “I know it wasn’t exactly an easy thing for you to endure either,” she continued. “Heavens, even I felt more than a little embarrassed at times when I was getting further along with Jennifer. Something that as a witch, I never thought I would … So I can only wonder about what it must have been like, for men such as yourself, and Harry … and Snape,” she added. “But at least you and I knew that we probably would have started a family anyway, sooner or later,” she said, “We’re a married couple and we have each other, as well as what’s left of our friends and families. Professor Snape has no one …” She paused, and Ron took his chance. “Yeah, I’ve seen him when Eileen’s crying,” he said, “To me, it looks like a simple case of a stuck-up old git who’s been on his own too long, and just can’t stand children. And it’ll probably be forever before he decides to bring Harry back--if he ever will …” He lowered his newspaper to look at his wife, and found that she was no longer in the kitchen with him. A moment later, he heard her speaking from the study; “I’m going to floo to the Longbottom’s for afternoon tea,” she said briskly, in a sharp tone. “Don’t forget to keep an eye on the sunflower painting, in case Dumbledore comes through – let me know if he says anything about starting the meetings again. If anyone from the Ministry calls before Molly comes back,” she added, “transfigure it into a cutting board, and hide it in the pots and pans cupboard under the sink ... they don’t usually look in there.” “Finally,” she said, as Ron heard a fire snap to life in the Burrow’s fireplace, “I’ve left Jennifer with Seamus, so could you check on them please? She’ll probably need changing again in another half hour”. *** Severus Snape sat like a collapsed puppet in a faded velvet armchair, his mood apathetic and dark. There were special rooms in the mansion where he could go, if he wanted to refresh his spirit … or so Madam Potter had kept assuring him. Unlike Madam Weasley, Ginnerva had remained persistent in her habit of checking in on him, and inquiring if he needed this, that or whatever … and she had not been put off by his rebuffs. He continued to resist her attempts to be of assistance, though, except for those times – which were often - when he had been in real need of it. Though he had been taking charge of Eileen’s physical care for many months now, it had been Madam Potter who had changed, washed, fed and healed the newborn those first few weeks after his return. For that, he felt grudgingly grateful. It was not in his nature to be indebted to anybody, but he knew that without her help, he could not have handled the oppressive new responsibility that had been thrust upon him. It was far better now, than it had been just after the birth. Then, he had been so weak and devastated – both physically and mentally, that he was barely able to look after himself for the first week or so. Thanks to Alastor Moody pulling a few discreet strings in the Ministry though, he was at least in relatively less danger of being ‘found’ should his new lodgings be searched. The Auror had made arrangements enabling Severus to be secretly Flooed from the Burrow to the Potter residence at No. 12 Grimmauld Place. Now, at least he had a decent roof under which to recover, along with a warm bed and adequate food. He had been living there ever since, sharing the vast, near-empty mansion with Madam Potter and Harry’s twin sons, Remus and Oliver. By now, they had grown into a wild-haired pair of shy, wide-eyed toddlers. Even though she had the twins to look after, Ginevra Potter had done much of the work in nursing both him and his daughter back to health. She had been still been quietly grieving Harry’s absence at the time, as well as expecting a child herself. When Agnes was born in late July - two days before Harry’s old birthday, ironically, Severus noted a definite change in the way she treated him. Having now experienced for herself, the bruises, scars and hormones of childbirth, she was more empathic towards him and his discomfort … and less squeamish when the situation required questioning him about his more personal needs. With a baby of her own to care for, she was more inclined to assert herself when his erratic post-partem moods would erupt into an outburst of verbal vitriol and broken objects. Though they never spoke of those events afterwards … there had been times when she had to snatch his daughter out of the reach of his swiping hands. Or, at one terrible moment--from them… And, there were the times when he had rushed back into Eileen’s nursery after his mind had cleared, horrified to realise that he’d just hexed his child in the heat of irrational anger. There had been times, when he’d nearly cast an Unforgivable on her, standing over her crib as she lay crying, with his wand shaking in his hand … fighting to keep the words of the spell from reaching his lips. Afterwards, he would curse himself, and drink too much Elf wine, trying to nullify the feelings of horror gnawing at his gut. He cursed the pride that prevented him from asking Madam Potter for ingredients to brew the potions that would have soothed him, …or thanking her for the permanent Calmness Charm on the nursery room. She had cast it after walking in to catch him undoing a hex he had just cast on Eileen. In spite of Ginnerva’s healing efforts, Severus retained some scars – both physically and mentally – from his recent experiences. Most likely, he would never be free of them. He hadn’t expected his recovery to take so long. Eileen had been born in the first week of March, and it was now the third week of September. Even now, his hips and pelvic region still ached periodically from the crushing pressure of the birth - especially when moving his back or legs in the ‘wrong’ way, or when he lifted anything that was even moderately heavy. For weeks afterwards, passing urine had caused his bruised ureter to sting hard enough to make him catch his breath. Bladder control did eventually return, but a mild tightening charm to prevent occasional accidents, was still occasionally required. Molly Weasley - whenever she brought up the subject of resurrecting Harry - had assured Severus that the pain and trauma he’d experienced would soon be ‘forgotten’. He had his doubts about that. He had not been in a good way when they had used the floo to the Burrow. Moody had cradled Eileen in one arm and supported Severus-- who was almost to weak to stand--with an arm around his waist, guiding him carefully as they stepped out of the floo. It was possible that he could forget some of the horror he had gone through that night … but he was far from forgetting all of it. Little details he wished someone would Obliviate from his memory, regularly trickled back to him in jolting little flashbacks. There had been times when he’d been forced to abandon a potion by a sudden memory, causing him to tremble … he had to stop what he was doing to calm down. Or, whilst dining with company, hope that nobody noticed when he suddenly needed to put his knife and fork down - and discreetly grip the table edge, staring at the salt shaker …and praying mentally that the memory, and the nauseating fear it produced, would pass … Then, there were the dreams... The nightmares had worsened in the last three weeks. The ones that frightened him the most were the ones where he was heavily pregnant again, and trying to hide from enemies. Or…in labour again, while lightning slammed and pummelled the land about him. He would awaken in a cold sweat, relieved at first that it had been merely a dream … until his hand touched the place in his body where Harry’s dormant soul no longer slept. He attempted to block out the thoughts by applying Occlumency, hoping he could go back to sleep … fitful though it would be. He knew the dreams were a reflection of both his fears and facts. He had yet to inform the others that he was pregnant, once again. First, a suitable means of handling that problem needed to be found. Severus remembered that day, three weeks ago. Whilst preparing an Anti-Colic Potion for Agnes, he sensed Harry’s soul suddenly vanish from where it had been charmed to stay. Before he could grab his wand and spell it back, a feeling of magical warmth flooded his lower body, radiating from a spot in his abdomen in a way that made his blood run cold ... For once, in all the years they had known each other, Harry had been too quick for him. The boy’s soul - for some impatient, unfathomable reason of its own, had spontaneously moved - establishing itself in the Ministry-provided artificial womb he had hoped to keep barren for at least two more years (if not the rest of his life). The prospect of going through It All again hung over him like a punitive summons from the Dead Dark Lord. A volume of The Advanced Use of Charms in the Healing Arts lay open and book-marked on the arm of his chair, next to three other similar texts. The book was a second-hand Healer-training textbook belonging to Madam Potter, purchased after the Ministry had ordered her husband Harry’s impregnation. Severus had been given free access to her personal library after he had moved in, since most of his old books were still in storage at The Burrow. The Ministry had increased its watchfulness since Harry’s apparent ‘death’; their alibi - that the young man’s heart had failed – had been rejected, close enough though it had turned out to be to the truth. Neither was it possible for Moody to arrange a cover up for every unauthorised Floo transfer. Still, what he had found in the book was more than sufficient to his needs. The chapter on midwifery described four charms for putting a pregnancy in stasis for emergencies. One, it was quite clear could only be used on witches. Another, possibly so as well … and Severus was not willing to risk both his and Harry’s lives when better options were at hand. The third worked only when close to the time of birth, and he was not keen on repeating the experience of an extended late-stage gestation. The fourth, though, was sufficiently general in its design, to be applied to a wide range of situations … and subjects - enough so, that he was confident of its use. Moreover, it was simple--point the wand to where the child was and mentally recite the two words of the spell. If he performed it correctly – and convinced Dumbledore (and the other Paintings) to keep quiet about it – he would be fit enough to fight for years. An infant’s wail knifed into his consciousness, as it issued from the open doorway to an adjoining room. Eileen; he recognised her voice instantly, even though her roommate Agnes – tiny though she still was, cried at an astonishingly similar timbre and volume. Fortunately for both him and Ginevra, the two babies had yet to fall into the habit of crying in unison … though perhaps that was because both parents tended to respond very quickly to their offspring’s summons. By the nature of her keening, and the time of day, Severus reckoned that she would be requiring food. Closing the textbook, taking care not to lose his page, he rose from the armchair, and rummaged in the pockets of his robes until he found it – a thumb-sized bottle filled with milk, and a teat of murky purple Dragonsap Rubber. Tapping the bottle with his wand, returning it to full size, he checked that the Warming and Freshness Charms had held. He unlidded the bottle, and fit the teat over the opening--before striding into the nursery. Eileen quieted when she saw her father enter the room – something that had always surprised him. Considering what he had put her through – or almost done so – such a reaction of trust caused him to feel more guilt. He was, again, quietly grateful for Ginnerva’s Calming Charm, as most of his anger and tension fell away when he entered the room, along with his fear of hurting his child. She lay in the crib to the left of Agnes’, where she was sleeping peacefully on her back. Multicoloured dragons cavorted and danced over the baby furniture and the cribs where they slept. Red, gold and orange Horntails on Agnes’s; grey, green and aqua Opaleyes on Eileen’s … the Weasley twins had been successful in their efforts to alter the hideous kittens of the original design - and once again, Severus did not mind the diversion. Severus pulled up a chair next to her, quietly, so as not to awaken the other child. Looking quickly at the door, to ensure he had some privacy from the ever-vigilant Madam Potter, he took out his wand, and waved it over the bottle. It levitated, as he guided it to Eileen and lowered it carefully to her mouth. His theory had been correct – the eager way she took the bottle’s teat indicated that she was hungry. A second spell controlled the flow of the milk, as she fed contentedly. He rummaged in his robe pockets for another empty bottle--his breasts (small that they were) were beginning to feel hard and full yet again … and he wanted to drain them before they leaked into his clothing…again (he hated it when that happened). Parting a section of his robes, above his nipple, he flicked his wand … guiding the contents of his breast into the bottle in his hand. After a few minutes, Severus repeated the process with his other breast – before sealing the bottle. After casting Freshness and Shrinking Charms, he stowed it safely away in a pocket for later. When Eileen finished feeding, he took her bottle, cleaned and dismantled it, and put it away. He cast a check over her nappy - no change was required--and then cast a light burping hex over her. She erupted into giggles at the feel of his magic – another quirk of hers that he could not quite fathom, especially since she cried when anyone else spelled her. Severus looked down at her as she lay giggling and smiling up at him … and once again, a feeling came over him--one that had become all too unpleasantly familiar to him over the last two years or so. The feeling of not knowing what he ought to feel for her and this situation. He could not forget the way that she had been forced into his life without his consent, nor the indignities and dangers he had faced while bringing her into the world. He could not forget that his pelvis still ached from the trauma of birthing her, nor that doing so had now made him mildly incontinent. He could not forget the humiliation of sitting in the Healer’s waiting rooms in front of former students and other people he knew – too big to hide what was happening to him, and denied the dignity of a Concealment Charm. He realised, even as he looked at her, that had he had the chance to live this over again – knowing what the Ministry had been planning – he would have sought exile rather than bear her. “Why the bloody hell did they do this to us?” Severus whispered to himself, as he watched Eileen kicking and burbling. “Half of us were bloody well not even cut out to be mothers. I do not think that any of us were ready … why the hell did they not give us a chance to rebuild normally?” Eileen whimpered, and without thinking, he reached his hand out to her. Her short, chubby fingers closed themselves around his thumb, and he wondered why the clammy baby coolness of her touch did not bother him as much as it had in the past. “You will find as you grow, that I shall disappoint you many times, girl,” he whispered again, to her this time. “And I will do this to you many times more as well. I am hardly better at being a father than a mother--as I have learnt long ago. Do you know that you have a brother … if he is still alive?” He thought of Victor as he said that – the boy he had sired ignominiously in his youth, at a Death Eater fling back in Bulgaria. “I cannot guarantee that you will ever meet him, nor I again. I wonder how he fared after the war?” Eileen gurgled, and tightened her hold with all of her babyish strength. Her legs kicked in a merry frog-like dance, whilst Severus pushed away the troubling memories of his other progeny. He thought of Harry. “Do you know that you shall also be given another brother in time?” he added, “One day, when you are older. Pray, child that you will not find it a disturbing thing for you to witness when it happens”. His daughter played on, delighting in his voice and oblivious to the meaning of his words. A thought hit him then that he once again had to re-prepare himself for battle. Last time, it had been Voldemort – and they had been fighting for their freedom, as much as the right to survive. Now, it was not a dark wizard but a corrupt Ministry--and if they could not overthrow Umbridge’s government, then at least some reliable means of escape would need to be established. America, Eastern Siberia, Brazil, the Antipodes … there were enough free places in the world to which a defecting witch or wizard could flee. If enough wizarding folk left Britain, maybe the Ministry might even collapse of it’s own accord … Severus felt a sudden jolt of hope. Even with so few of us, this plan could work, he thought – while mentally combing the idea for any flaws. Whatever way he looked at it, it seemed to make sense. It seemed far more workable than a coup, at any rate. As soon as I put Harry into stasis, I will attempt to see Dumbledore about it … alone, he thought, triumphantly. Severus took his thumb from Eileen’s grip, and the infant whimpered again, in a way that threatened tears. He raised his wand over her, and flicked it twice. Bubbles of glowing colours appeared above her cot, and she murmured in wonder at them. One floated by her face, and she batted at it with a chubby hand – causing it to sing in a soft, choir-like voice. He felt a smile try to tug at the corner of his mouth, at the sight of her playing with one of his little inventions. The last time he had cast that spell, had been over Viktor’s crib more than two decades ago - whilst passing through the Krum household on the way back to Britain … and then he suddenly knew … knew what he should feel about his daughter … He would fight for her, and protect her future--as he had fought years before to honour the sacrifice of Harry’s mother. The child was every bit as blamelessly caught up in this mess as he was. As one who had the power to fight back, he owed it to her to make that effort. Even if the right of choice was taken away from me, I shall see to it that it will not be taken away from her, or any of the others, he thought. He would put his idea to work immediately. The first thing to be seen to was Harry’s stasis charm, to ensure this ill-timed second pregnancy remain a secret, until a safer and more fortuitous time for it’s completion… Severus left Eileen to her play, and turned to leave the nursery … He saw Madam Potter standing in the doorway of the room. Sensing her thoughts, he knew she had only just arrived. “We have visitors,” she said. “The Ministry?” Severus hissed, glaring at her. She nodded, saying; “They are doing another of their routine checks through my Potion stores at the moment”. “Go back down, and hold them off from coming up here for as long as you can!” He ordered as he abruptly brushed past her, ducking into the adjoining room to snatch up a textbook. “Where will you be going?” She asked. “Do not be a fool!” he snapped, “I cannot tell you that – you should be well aware by now that the Ministry are employing trained Legilimens’!” He felt a flare of offended pride and anger from her mind – he had often suspected that she fancied herself a competent Occlumens from her practice sessions with Madam Weasley. Now was not the time to flatter her ego however, or rely on the fitness of her untested defences. “Go!” he ordered her again, and she cast a quick sleeping charm over the nursery before heading back downstairs. Book under his arm, Severus headed for the Savannah Room; a former drawing room that the Weasley twins had converted to resemble a savannah woodland. He chose it for the viciously thorned acacia trees, that would come in handy should the need arise … Opening the door, he stepped onto the dry grass inside, closed the door, and sealed it with seven of the best locking charms that he knew. The next thing he did was seek out a shady spot where he could perform the Stasis charm. There was no point after all, in wasting the time he would spend waiting – and, the spell would not take long to cast … *** When Severus heard Madam Potter’s knock on the door, he rose reluctantly to undo the wards and let her in. His mood had worsened steadily since he’d realized, in his haste to hide, he had picked up the wrong book – and without the correct one, he was unable to get the pronunciation of the stasis spell exactly right. He had been waiting with increasing agitation for the time that he was free to go back to the study. After coming up with the emigration plan, he had an overriding sense of urgency to get the planning started … He flung the door open, and saw Ginevra standing there with reddened eyes. Something had not gone well during the visit... “Well?” he asked, trying to sound firm in spite of the coldness creeping from his gut up his spine. “What has happened this time? … And I hope that they did not disturb my study …” “They’ve confiscated the spell books, Professor – all of them, both your’s and mine,” Ginerva said, “Even the ones that you left in the study next to the nursery”. As the implications of this sunk painfully into Severus’s mind, she added – breaking into tears as she spoke; “And … sir, I’m sorry … I’m sorry … I … tried to stop them … I tried to tell them I was taking good enough care of her. But they …they would not listen. They insisted on doing it … they said that they had changed their policies on orphans and abandoned children …” “Will you cease your snivelling, woman!” Snape roared, in no mood to tolerate hysterics of any kind. As Madam Potter caught her breath, he ordered; “Tell me immediately – what did the Ministry also take?” Ginevra rubbed the back of one hand over her eyes, as she spoke: “That’s what I was going to tell you, sir … they’ve taken Eileen!” To Be Continued …
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