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Disclaimer – I don’t own any of the Harry Potter characters
(and I suspect that Snape for one is rather glad of that little fact!);
they are of course owned by JK Rowling.
You want me to what? Month 3 – Investigation James woke up early that morning, as he had every morning for the past month, with a crick in his neck from sleeping on the cold hard sofa downstairs. Maybe he should have gone to stay with Sirius but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave his wife. He knew that Lily was hurting and her way of coping was to take everything out on him. “Morning,” James said as his wife came downstairs. “Morning,” she replied tersely. Lily also looked as though a good night’s sleep had become something of a luxury over the last few weeks. “Lily, we have to talk. We can’t go on like this.” James tried to sound reasonable, although he would dearly have loved to just shake some sense into his stubborn wife. He had tried to start this conversation so many times over the last few weeks, yet he had always been rebutted with Lily saying that she wasn’t ready to talk about it. Today, however, was different. Lily refused to look at him, making a show of preparing breakfast instead, yet she spoke to him in a sad quiet voice. “You were prepared to kill our baby.” It wasn’t even a question, just a statement of fact. “Yes.” Lily tensed at James’ honest response. “What would you have had me do Lily? Let Snape take our child to Voldemort? If he’d done that, we’d still have lost the baby, but it wouldn’t only have been our grief. You know what Dumbledore told us about Trelawney’s vision. Would you really give such a potentially powerful tool to Voldemort?” “He’s not a tool James, he’s our baby.” “Lily, we are just two people. Even if we never have a child, we’ll still have each other. The whole world we know, wizard and muggle alike, could be destroyed if the child falls into Voldemort’s hands. I would do anything to stop that from happening, however much it hurt me. I’m just sorry that it’s hurting you too. I will understand if you can’t forgive me.” James stopped, as there was nothing more he could say. Lily stood stock still for some time before she said, “I think I can forgive you or at least understand why you were willing to do that to our child. After all, you didn’t actually hurt him. Severus took him away to someplace safe.” James sighed. He truly believed that Lily was deluding herself and that their child was dead, or worse, by now. But he didn’t interrupt as Lily continued, “Once Severus realises that everything’s OK and that he and the baby have nothing to fear, he’ll come back. I know he will. James, I want this baby so much. It hurts not having him here, not being able to see him grow, even if it is inside someone else.” James took his wife in his arms and tried to soothe and comfort her as she began to cry. Between her sobs, she managed to say, “I’m sorry James. If I were a proper wife to you then this wouldn’t be happening, I would be able to carry our child myself.” “Sssh Lily, that’s nonsense. I love you and us not being able to have children doesn’t change that. I love you. I love you.” James had guided his grief-stricken wife back to bed. She had only agreed to rest if he went to see Dumbledore to see how the search for Snape was progressing. It had been just over a month since Snape had disappeared from Godric’s Hollow and there hadn’t been a single sighting of him ever since. James apparated close to Hogwarts and made his way up to the Castle. It was a more inconvenient mode of travel than floo powder but James had disconnected the floo to Hogwarts to prevent Lily from staying there all the time. In those first couple of days, she hadn’t eaten or slept as they waited for Severus to return. She had been on the verge of wasting away. Worse, when James had returned home, it had been to find the crib and other baby furniture that Lily had bought had been delivered. Eager to spare his wife any more pain, James had asked Sirius to take the stuff and keep it at his house. At that point, James had genuinely feared for his wife’s sanity. He only hoped that they could survive this latest disappointment. James soon found himself inside Dumbledore’s office. The headmaster also looked tired and stressed, the usual twinkle in his blue eyes had been missing for weeks. “James, how are you and Lily?” James shrugged. At the look of disappointment Dumbledore gave him, he elaborated, “Well we were speaking this morning.” “She’s forgiven you?” James started to pace up and down the length of Dumbledore’s office. “Not just yet, but I think she might finally be ready to consider it. I mean, what else could I have done? He’s a Death Eater.” “He was a Death Eater, James.” James stopped pacing and turned to face Dumbledore, “How do you know that he really turned? He could just have been lying to get the child.” Dumbledore smiled sadly, yet said gravely, “I consider myself to be an adequate judge of character, James. Schoolteachers have to be able to tell when someone is lying or else students would always get away with failing to do their homework. It took a lot of courage for Severus to leave Voldemort and to agree to carry your child. He suffered for you and Lily and for the Light.” “Suffered?” James couldn’t keep the incredulity from his voice. “Yes, aside from the severe morning sickness, Severus put up with Lily fussing over the baby.” Albus tone was open and reasonable but James was angry now, ready to defend his wife, “Why shouldn’t she care for her unborn child? Merlin, Albus, do you have any idea how difficult it is for her to know that she cannot give me a child? To have to see Severus Snape of all people carrying our baby?” Albus retaliated, “Do you have any idea how difficult it was for Severus to make the decision to turn from the path he was on, to do something good and yet to get no thanks for it? How would you like to be fussed over because someone cares about the child growing inside you, yet makes it blatantly obvious that they don’t care for you? You both saw Severus as a means to an end and showed him little if any kindness for the sacrifice he has made for you.” Chastened, James kicked his heels against the stone flagstones. After a pause, he said, “OK, I accept that we should have behaved better towards him but its all academic now, seeing as how he has disappeared off the face of the earth.” Dumbledore sighed, “I haven’t given up hope of finding Severus yet.” The question that James wanted the answer to burst from him, unwise though he felt it was to question Dumbledore on this matter. “How do you know that Snape hasn’t just gone back to Voldemort? Even if he was sincere in his desire to leave the Death Eaters, the child he carries would ensure his welcome back into the fold. Or Voldemort could have found him and captured him.” “I do not believe that Severus would willingly return to Voldemort, no matter what the circumstances. I am equally certain that Severus has not been taken by Voldemort as I have spies in the Death Eaters’ ranks. Voldemort would not keep such a prize secret, yet my spies have heard nothing, the conclusion therefore is that Voldemort does not have Severus.” James had to agree with the old wizard’s logic, but there were still things that he needed to know before he could start to hope that his unborn child was still out there somewhere. “But Albus, what’s to stop Snape from just terminating this pregnancy to get back at us?” Albus stared at James and said seriously, “Did you not feel the power of the magic that was used in the conception?” James nodded as Dumbledore continued, “There are few wizards who would be capable of undoing such strong magic. Few indeed.” James asked timidly, “But if he’s been on the run, living rough or whatever for the past month, couldn’t the strain have caused a miscarriage?” Albus looked at the young man and saw the guilt radiating from him. This man had suffered this before, both he and Lily had grieved for all the children they had lost without ever been able to hold them in their arms. The world may need this baby but arguably they needed it more. “Look at me James. The magic will protect both Severus and the baby from the privations of life. However, our best hope for all of you is to find Severus as soon as we can, to bring him back to safety where the three of you can make your peace with each other.” James was silent for a long time, looking out of the window at the children who were rushing between classes. “I’m sorry Albus. How is the search for Snape progressing?” “Ah, I’m afraid there has still been no positive sighting of him since he left Godric’s Hollow. I have a few aurors looking for him as well as the members of the Order. I just can’t risk letting anyone else know of the situation.” Seeing James’ shoulders slump, Albus added, “Take heart, we do at least know where he is not.” Miles away in a cold dark dungeon room, Lucius Malfoy was waiting for Lord Voldemort to acknowledge his presence. He shivered in the cold, wishing he were anywhere but here. Actually he wished he were fast asleep in bed; his weeks old son had been depriving him of his sleep, didn’t babies do anything other than just lay there and cry? He would have to teach his son respect for his sleep as soon as possible. “Ah Lucius.” “My Lord,” Malfoy knelt and kissed the hem of Voldemort’s robes. He stood up and stepped back, waiting for his Lord to speak. “What news of Severus? He has continued to ignore my summons. I am most displeased.” “No-one appears to have seen him since that day Narcissa and I saw him with Potter’s mudblood in Diagon Alley. His home does not appear to have been lived in for some months.” “And Potter’s wife, has he been to see her?” “No my lord. This morning I heard that Dumbledore has asked certain aurors to keep an eye out for Snape and to return him to Hogwarts the second they find him.” “Hogwarts! Snape has been with Dumbledore at Hogwarts? Perhaps he has betrayed us and then tried to run to save his miserable skin.” “My Lord! I don’t think Severus…” “You are not here to think Lucius.” “No, my Lord.” “I want Snape found and brought to me for questioning.” Lucius blanched; he knew what Voldemort’s brand of questioning entailed and he would not wish it on a fellow pureblood. Voldemort saw his reaction and added coldly, “How is your son and heir, what’s his name?” “Draco, my Lord,” Lucius replied hesitantly. “He is well and has a most healthy set of lungs.” “Excellent. Although it never does to be too complacent where young children are concerned. After all, so many accidents can happen, even if you only take your eyes off them for a second. They are so very vulnerable at that age, are they not? Find Severus and bring him to me and do not fail.” Feeling his skin crawl at the barely veiled threat, Lucius left Voldemort’s presence, having decided that now would be the perfect time to do some work on his manor restoring the old protected rooms to a habitable condition. Where the Dark Lord was concerned, there was no possible way that you could protect yourself too much.
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